As a kid I remember being told to “clean my room.” I remember telling my students to “clean the room.” I’ve heard friends tell their kids to “clean your room.” SO, I can assume from these quotes that we often tell kids to clean up. We tell them… but do we show them?
Some kids have a natural knack for cleaning and organizing (I was one of those kids… hmm… guess that probably went without saying, huh?). Over the four and a half years I taught, I was typically blessed with one of these students a year. However, the last group of kids I taught had literally zero organizational skills whatsoever. This is frustrating as a teacher, and I’m sure it’s frustrating as a parent as well. BUT you can’t just tell your non-organizer to clean their room and expect it to happen! You must start from the time you are teaching your baby to sort colors, and even when you are picking up the toys after your toddler, by having them play a game with you. It’s the cleanup game. In this game, you are doing all the work and they are merely observers. Then over time, they become helpers, and eventually the do-ers. In this “game” you are teaching your child that all the Legos go in this box, all the Lincoln Logs go in this box, all the socks go in this drawer, pjs in this drawer, etc, etc.
It’s important that kids have a place to put each toy, whether on a shelf or in a toy box. It’s never ok to shove the toys under the bed, or to cram them into the closet. When they learn this by watching you as YOU clean their room, and then they help by not just following the direction of “put this away” but rather “put this in the bottom drawer” or “put this on the second shelf.” Never assume that your child will remember where they got the toy from, until they are at least 6 years old. At that point, the command should start as a question – “Where does this go?” When the child replies correctly, praise with “What a good memory you have!” If the child doesn’t remember correctly, don’t get upset. Many children have a recall memory that is short. Even if it’s their favorite toy and they play with it often, the first three or four times of putting it away, they may not remember where you want it to go - remember it’s you who decided where it should go in the organization strategy, not them… and they can’t read your mind! So, if they don’t remember correctly, respond with, “What other toys is it like? Where do they go?” Continue this line of questioning until the child responds with the correct answer. Don’t tell them. When they conclude correctly and are praised for having a good memory, they’ve had to work it through and are more likely to remember in the future than if they are just told.
If you have not shown your older child how to organize and you are just starting with them, from Kindergarten through 3rd grade you should involve the child in the process. Have them help organize their room by starting with leading questions. Sort toys together into like objects, then ask your child where would be a good place to store this item based on its amount of use. You might also discover that your child might need an additional piece of furniture in his/her room to help organize, such as those cubby shelves from Target/Walmart that have canvas baskets, or perhaps one of those little shelves that holds colored plastic tubs. Encourage your child with organization. If they don’t have enough places to sort their toys into, then help them out as much as you can in that area.
Don’t think that your child will be organized in one day. After you go through and organize your child’s room WITH THEM being involved in the process, you still aren’t going to be able to go in the next week and say “clean your room” and expect them to remember how to do it all. I encourage you to have a time each day where together you go in and do a quick pick up. Don’t use this as a time to berate your child for making a mess of their room, but rather use it as a time of being together in a positive way. If your child was playing alone in the room, ask questions about the toys you can tell they played with, and make it a game to see who can pick up the most toys and put them back in the right places.
Remember that it takes two weeks for adults to create a habit, so plan that you’ll need a month to get your early-elementary aged child into a routine enough that you could then go in and say “clean your room” and they would know what you expected of them.
For middle-elementary through high school if you are just now starting, I must say you are a little late, but there may still be hope. Introduce your child to a label-maker – perhaps even get them one of their own. Sit down with them and make sure that they have the furniture they need to keep everything organized. Perhaps your 13 year old needs a desk with drawers to organize his art supplies, or your Junior in high school needs help learning how to use her planner so that it’s effective. I recommend a talk that begins like this: “I’m recognizing that you need some help getting organized because your room is often cluttered. I’m willing to help you get it straightened up if you will commit to keeping it that. I’m even willing to entertain the thought of a piece or two of furniture to add to help you with the process. I want you to have input because it is your room, but I’d like to give you some tips and help you get it sorted because I know it’s going to be a big job and I don’t expect you to know how to do it. I’d like to work with you…” etc. Remember especially with your middle schooler that if you seem like you are putting him down, he will retract. With your high schooler if you are giving her one more command, she will shut you out. It’s all about working together and figuring out what will work best for him/her. Good luck with this one.
I highly recommend getting your child organized – and the sooner, the better! They are never too young to start realizing that we clean up our toys after we play with something, and that everything has a place. SO – in all your spring cleaning and organizing… take time to teach the kids! They can’t do it how you want it if they haven’t been taught… remember that they are NOT mind readers.
Oh! And one last thing – a great way to help your child (of any age) remember what it should look like is to take pictures and then post them in that area. After you get the closet done the way you want, take a picture of it, and post that picture inside the closet door. The bookshelf, same thing, toy box, same thing. Pictures help tremendously in the memory process.
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